just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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