I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
