So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
