you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
