too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
