Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
