I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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