woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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