I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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