New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
