Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
