I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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