I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
