glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
