Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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