Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
