The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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