If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
