she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
