I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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