So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
