I have demons in me.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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