Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
