He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize