When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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