Duck Duck Cougar?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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