So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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