i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
