If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize