The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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