so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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