my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
