There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
