dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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