While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
