I think im going to throw up on grandma
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
