I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
