her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
