man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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