Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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