he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
