Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
