Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
