I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
