Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
