new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just forgot I was standing up.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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