And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
