That's intense
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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