Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
