TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Everclear isn't food dammit
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
