sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
