Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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