it's too hot outside to masturbate.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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