New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Two words: nipple clamps
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