i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
