I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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