just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
