I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
