Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
