Hey man sorry I got all grabby
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
