i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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