Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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