Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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