lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
