I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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