So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
