my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
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