Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
