Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
