the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize