Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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