I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
we made out on top of his cat.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
