tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
