I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
