3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
