I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
